Dana White’s GENIUS Power Slap League
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Last night’s importance for Dana White’s genius Power Slap League cannot be overstated, since Anna the Absolutely Terrifying was through the competition. Injuries such as a stinging palm are commonplace among her opponents, illustrating how perfectly qualified she was for the role. However, she eventually met her match in her seemingly unstoppable run towards the title.
Now, there has been some criticism of her minute size and massive disparity in strength and power between her and her competition; in fact, to some eyes, the cards are stacked against Anna in this competition.
This is entirely untrue. Why would she be put in an unfair position? After all, she’s married to the company’s head, and it’s not like the UFC has ever had suspicious choices regarding their roster or fight decisions- uh, I mean, the UFC and Zuffa believe in gender equality, and that is exactly why she’s being given the perfect opportunity to compete against men twice her size. We aren’t fat-shaming anyone here, after all. Look at Roy Nelson, who was allowed to compete under the UFC banner!
The UFC believes in diversity so much that we got a white man to do the Black History Month PSA in 2021. In 2021, people!
In other news, the feud between Anna and her most prominent opponent, Dana, reached critical levels last night. In fact, it has got to the point where the president of the Power Slap League himself, Dana White, had an extremely strong personal interest in this event. So strong, in fact, that grainy TMZ footage even misidentified her opponent as the UFC president himself!
His stellar reputation and high rate of employee happiness aside, this is an extremely intriguing contest. Not-Dana’s enormous size advantage, steroid usage, are all enormous disadvantages that he must overcome when you consider the aspect of gender equality. I mean, they’re both drunk too! Why should we unveil the imaginary discrimination in place ?
If you wish for a live recap of the action, click here:
The opponent snatches her arm: Anna tries to escape but has clearly forgotten what she signed up for.
She remembers! A light, range-tester slap in order to herd him into a future-
OH MY GOD! THE OPPONENT LANDS A BEAUTIFUL COUNTERSLAP! PUT THAT ON THE HIGHLIGHT REEL.
Official Result: Not-Dana, TKO, Round 1
All proceeds from the PPV will be donated to domestic violence shelters btw.
This is John Mor- I mean, Stephen A Sm- I mean, Kevin Io- I mean, sorry, signing off
